Almost a Slashfic: Kirk and Spock drinking beer

2 minute read

Script_buddy has done it again. Kirk and Spock drinking beer and having awkward conversations about airports. You can cut the sexual tension with a knife. It’s a perfect slashfic.

I’m still not quite sure how much of this output is from the Star Trek stuff I’m feeding in to script_buddy, and how much is it just riffing on material from the Internet Movie Scripts Database (which it’s been pre-trained on). I’ve written a script to create a more structured version of the Star Trek data and will try feeding that in over the next few days.

Now, without further ado:

Starting text: Kirk to Spock

The Script

Kirk sits at his desk. In response to Spock’s question, which seems at first confused, he takes a sip of water from a paper cup he’s putting away.

KIRK I’m thirsty.

SPOCK I’ll be on my way now.

He nods, then looks at the desk again. It’s empty.

SPOCK (CONT’D) (to himself) Oh. Damn.

Spock walks over to the kitchenette.

KIRK I guess we’re ready for dinner.

He picks up a bottle of beer from the fridge.

INT. KIRK’S KITCHENET.

Spock walks in the kitchen.

SPOCK (to himself) I’m all out of beer! I’m done!

He goes to Kirk as he’s sitting up. The doctor is about to say something to Kirk when, with faint surprise, he looks at the fridge and finds a bottle of Budweiser on the shelf.

INT. KIRK’S KITCHEN.

Spock sits down, with a beer in hand.

SPOCK (continuing) That’s beer. Budweiser. For you.

He takes a sip of it.

KIRK I’ll have it back soon.

Spock goes to the fridge and pulls out a bottle of Scotch Malt whiskey from under the counter. Kirk drinks.

SPOCK (continuing) I hope you haven’t had it yet.

INT. HALLWAY.

Holly walks down the hall with another drink.

HOLY There must be some kind of a mistake here.

Holly returns the drink.

HOLY There’s a mistake on the hall.

EXT. LOS ANGELES AIRPORT

Kirk and Spock make a quick detour across the airport.

INT. KIRK’S KITCHEN.

Spock returns to the desk, and pulls a chair from a nearby chair.

SPOCK (continuing) I think we might get out of here.

Spock hands Kirk a plastic bag with his jacket inside.

KIRK (laughing) We must really have been in a long line of students at the airport.

SPOCK (continuing) We could still go back…

KIRK (to himself) Of course we could.

SPOCK (continuing) …to the hotel.

KIRK (worried) We may have to wait a few more days to be deported.

INT. AIRPORT TICKET SALES CLUB.

An usher enters the window.

AIRSOVEREIGN May we help you with your boarding pass?

KIRK No sir. I’m very anxious to go.

Spock leaves the usher to the reception desk and exits on the tarmac.

INT. KIRK’S KITCHEN.

Spock sits down in front of Kirk.

KIRK (continuing) I’m sorry if that was a bit awkward.

SPOCK (continuing) I’m just a little anxious. We just need to talk about the flight. I could always make it back later.

KIRK (after a moment) I’d much rather.

Spock hands Kirk a plastic bag with his jacket inside.

INT. KIRK’S KITCHEN.

Holly enters the kitchenette with a soda.

HOLY (continuing) The flight…that was just an accident.

INT. AIRPORT TICKET SALES CLUB.

The door closes.

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